Part of what I love so much about writing, is the opportunity to meet fellow bloggers and writers. By God's beautiful providence, I have had the blessing of meeting Tammy. This is letter she has written to her younger self now that she has reached the stage of being "Grannie". May us younger-in-years moms draw from her wisdom as we focus on our priorities this new year.

Letter from my (now) Grannie self, to my (then) young wife/mommy self: 

Dear wife/mommy who tries so hard to be perfect, 

Believe it or not, There are some things you will never regret, but you will have regrets. You will never regret specific kind words or patience towards your husband, sweet efforts to get him to read books to improve, or words spent to encourage him or build him up. Key words sweet and kind. It all is worth a try... 

You will never regret time spent cuddling your babies, or toddlers, or tweens or teens. You will never regret doing your BEST to provide for them, protect them, nurture them, train them. You will be AMAZED at how the minutes of chaos turn into years, and in a blink, your children are grown and gone. Key word gone. 

You WILL have some regrets, because despite how near perfect you think that you are (talking to myself in my 30s and 40s)- your 50s are all about increased self awareness and benefitting from the wonderful hindsight perspective. In your 50s you can look back and see some glaring and embarrassing weaknesses and flaws, some that your husband tried to give you a clue about, but YOU JUST COULD NOT SEE IT. Maybe try listening a little more, praying more, and being quiet more with him. 

You and he are different individuals, so it is natural that you have different perspectives and ideas… but be careful… I’m telling you now, that in the future you will see that HE WAS RIGHT on a few things!! 

So just live humbly. Honor your husband. 

That little boy that you birthed, whom you adore...you know… the one that you love more than anything in this world… He grows up. He makes you proud. He finds a wife. His wife becomes his world. His wife and his children…You...are...a…GRANNIE!!! 

You LOVE being a Grannie, but guess what? There is an empty place left in your heart, since your son left your home. You don’t live with him everyday. Your minutes with him are few, but almost unfathomably, you love him no less than when he was an infant, a toddler, a tween, a teen…. But he is, yes, a grown man and he lives away from you as is fitting, and makes you proud. 

Guess who is still in your home, loving you as always? The same one who you kinda gave left-over time crumbs to when you were raising those kids. Yep, your husband! 

Go give him a big hug and a kiss. Tell him you love him, appreciate him, and that you want to be a good wife. Ask him what three wishes he would ask of his wife. Try to oblige. 

God. 

Husband.

Children.

Really is a good order of priorities. 

I know it is tough. 

While you are in the trenches, doing your best, trying to serve, God, your husband, the kids, sometimes church and others…. Do remember a few things: 

1) Perfection is God and Jesus’s job, not yours. Give yourself and others some grace, like God and Jesus give to you! 

2) Do take care of yourself. Practice boundaries, and learn to say NO. 

3) Keep eternal perspective. What will matter in the long run? What matters to God? Will this matter a year from now? 10 years from now? This perspective can help you make decisions, plan, and set priorities for time management… 

4) Again, love that husband. When the kids are gone, it’s only going to be YOU and HIM. 

Lastly, I want to encourage you. Do not lose heart. Yes it is tough raising the kids. It is tough letting go of the kids. Sometimes it is boring, just you and your husband, but being a GRANNIE is totally AWESOME. You for sure will find, that when you travel with God, Bible lighting your path, there are sweet pauses and breathtaking surprises in every stage of life and for Christians, “The best is yet to come,” always.

You can read more wisdom from Tammy on her blog "Grandma Mary Martha."

What followed that arm squeeze and wild schoolgirl smile was the unfolding of their first date. It began over a bet that eggnog milkshakes were or weren’t real. They were. It ended with the two of them driving one town over to a small milkshake shop where my grandpa proceeded to prove his knowledge of the drink industry and the rest, as they say, is history. It started over a milkshake flavour, a strategic bet, and I, the one privileged to hear the story, was a product of that very small, yet significant, date. 

Fast forward many, MANY years later and I now have three kids of my own. (*insert young Simba being held in the air and the Elton John singing about the Circle of Life*) The problem is, while the romance and twinkly eyes looked great on my grandparents, I wasn’t feeling overly “sparkly” myself. We were exhausted. Like, eye-burning, cheekbone throbbing, delusional exhausted. How were we to keep our marriage going in a way that we could a) still see each other with at least a little passion, and b) not drift away to the point of not knowing each other anymore? 

I’m pleased to report that as of today, we are officially sixteen years into our marriage and we are still together. Looking back, I can now see why my grandma could smile so sweetly as she reflected…she had had sleep the night before! As a parent, I get it, your days are long, your nights longer, the gruelling speed of parenthood, especially in the early years, can wear you down. However, I also must (*strongly*) suggest, that you carve out some time to remember how your family got started with just the two of you, wild crazy love, and a few dreams (remember dreams?). Marriage takes work, and hands down those first few years with babes in tow make it all the more of a struggle, as do sick days, bad dreams, potty training...life. Life can make marriage hard. As our oldest is currently preparing for her learners license, I am reminded that I was just seven years older than her when I got married (I’m not crying, you’re crying!). One day they will leave our home and once again it will just be the two of us. I kinda want to still like this man when we have no one but each other under the same roof!

For those of you in this season of life, embrace the tired, but embrace each other often. Here are 6 date night ideas just for you exhausted parents who are trying hard to make time for each other. Grab a babysitter, send the kids to a friend’s house, trade with friends for date nights, but put in the effort however you get there, you won’t be disappointed.

3 STAY AT HOME DATE NIGHTS

I can’t tell you how many times we took the kids to the grandparents or dropped them off with a friend and went back home. There are two rules you must abide by if you want to have a date at home. The first is: no phones allowed! You cannot check your email, or Facebook, or snap a selfie for Instagram. The phone can stay out in case of emergencies, but leave it on the shelf. The second rule is: no chores. Yes, the laundry is piled high, yes, there are dishes. It will all wait for you for tomorrow. Repeat after me, "house cleaning is not romantic." 

1. Dinner in - After you drop off the kids, pick up some take out food. At some restaurants you can call ahead and have your meal ready for pick up at a time that works after you deliver your children into the hands of your evening sitters. Grab your takeout (or order in if that’s your preference) and head home. Light a candle at the kitchen table and enjoy eating right out of your paper cartons! Keep it as simple as possible. 

2. Movie and popcorn at home - With so many ways to stream movies, this was our favourite “stay in” date night. When the kids were little I could never manage to watch an entire movie before I fell asleep or had to step away to feed/ change/ tend to a younger child. Now that they are older, movie watching is still interrupted by the need for snacks, and fidgety hands. Pro parenting tip: if you do this date at night your chances of falling asleep are exponentially greater, aim for an afternoon “matinee” instead.

3. Have a nap - There. I said it. You know what makes a happy marriage? Well rested parents. We almost always had a child crammed between the two of us in our bed. Super unromantic!! Also…super exhausting! When you are both completely drained, a good sleep can do just as much good to take the strain off marriage, as a romantic date for two. Take the time, while your kids are out, to fall asleep together. There is something about reminding yourself how comfy the arms of your spouse is that rekindle a gentle awareness of the strength you find each other (even when you’re too weak to move another inch).

3 DATE IDEAS FOR OUT OF YOUR HOME

1. Visit your local farmer’s market - We love walking up and down the aisles of the markets and seeing what people have crafted or grown. Even with the current restrictions, many markets have reopened with a few new, but simple enough, rules to abide by. The bonus of farmer’s markets is that they usually happen earlier in the day when even fussy kids are still smiling. I don’t know what it is about mornings, but my kids were always at their best for whomever was watching them, leaving me to relax a little more readily. 

2. Game night with friends - this one can be fun with a little careful planning. You can send all the kids to one house and grab a babysitter (or two), then have the parents at another home playing games. The rules are simple: everyone brings a game and an easy snack to share, none of the homes get cleaned ahead of time (no judgement is allowed!), and everyone must bring a hefty sum of humility and grace as you acknowledge the season you are in. 

3. Cloud gazing - weather permitting, grab yourself a drink of your choice, and find a quiet park to sit and visit, or walk around at, or people watch and mouth drool if you’re too tired (just don’t be creepy about it.). Park dates are great for catching up on where you are at in your lives. Be sure to check in and ask each other how well or not well you are coping in this season of your life. You might be surprised by each others answers. Sometimes just saying out loud that you are not ok, is enough to help you through it. 

Whatever you do, remember, you are team. Dates are reminders that you are there to hold each other up in all seasons of life. Growing together takes effort, but as my grandparents showed me, the payout is worth it, even for those simple dates!

What are other date ideas you’ve done? Share in the comments.

All my love,