As my feet touched down that morning a familiar pang coursed through the bottoms of feet. My autoimmune was back. My head instantly fell in acknowledgement of the state of my body. 

“Not today, Lord,” I pleaded. I recently agreed to disciple a young lady, and today was the day for our weekly meeting. As I stood, to take inventory, the pain shot through my body, and the dreaded wave of fatigue came crashing down. My mind was hard pressed to stay focused on walking let alone mentoring.

One foot in front of the other, each step just as painful as the last, in an act of obedience, I pushed through my morning lamenting my ailments all the way. 

“But Lord! How can I serve you when I can’t think clearly and my body pains are distracting me?” I cried as I dragged my bag of books to the car.

I exhaled deeply as I buckled my seatbelt, then starred at the steering wheel for a few minutes realizing my hands were too sore to grip the wheel. I would have to drive with my fists since my fingers wouldn’t work.

Finally determined to “just get through it”, I pulled out the driveway. If I cannot be well, I can still praise with my lips. And praise I did! 

‘Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take him at his word...

A picture of the cross flashed in my mind. My Saviour hanging there, sweaty and blood drenched. Did pain stop him from fulfilling the plan at hand? Tears streamed from my face, for in an instant I knew the answer. Like a quiet whisper to my soul, I knew that pain was a necessary step to complete The Plan that defeated death. Unwilling to step down from the cross, my Jesus endured. And, if Christ could endure then certainly I could make it through one uncomfortable hour to carry out my commitment to bring Him glory.

“Alright Lord, YOUR will be done,” I confessed. I turned up the praise music and sang with a newfound resolution that though I could not understand what purpose my pain had, God would sustain me.

Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in his wonderful face...

I turned the corner and, without thinking, my hands tightened on the wheel. No pain!

Thank you Lord!

I arrived at the church and stepped out of my car. No pain in my feet!

I reached for my bag of books and swung them over my shoulder without even a smidgen of pain.

Praise you Father!

As I walked towards my meeting my mind cleared and an abundance of energy rose.

I wept as I poured out thanksgiving.

My entire meeting I was sustained by the strength if God! 

The sky turned to pink as the sun set that day and the dull ache of arthritis was once again taking over my body. 

I smiled.

This humble servant had been sustained by God’s never-ending strength to complete the tasks for the day. 

I had witnessed a miracle, one I would not have seen unless I first walked in pain. 

I went to bed without fear of the way my body would rise the next morning, for now I knew the antidote to sorrow and suffering...

Praise.

Praise to the King of Kings whose power is made perfect in our weakness. Praise, not for the selfish hope of healing, but praise because HE once suffered for me. Praise because HIS grace is sufficient to me. Praise because in all that is painful and sorrowful, HE is still good and beautiful. Praise because HE calls me his own.

For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever. Amen. (Rom. 11:36)

All my love,

Part of what I love so much about writing, is the opportunity to meet fellow bloggers and writers. By God's beautiful providence, I have had the blessing of meeting Tammy. This is letter she has written to her younger self now that she has reached the stage of being "Grannie". May us younger-in-years moms draw from her wisdom as we focus on our priorities this new year.

Letter from my (now) Grannie self, to my (then) young wife/mommy self: 

Dear wife/mommy who tries so hard to be perfect, 

Believe it or not, There are some things you will never regret, but you will have regrets. You will never regret specific kind words or patience towards your husband, sweet efforts to get him to read books to improve, or words spent to encourage him or build him up. Key words sweet and kind. It all is worth a try... 

You will never regret time spent cuddling your babies, or toddlers, or tweens or teens. You will never regret doing your BEST to provide for them, protect them, nurture them, train them. You will be AMAZED at how the minutes of chaos turn into years, and in a blink, your children are grown and gone. Key word gone. 

You WILL have some regrets, because despite how near perfect you think that you are (talking to myself in my 30s and 40s)- your 50s are all about increased self awareness and benefitting from the wonderful hindsight perspective. In your 50s you can look back and see some glaring and embarrassing weaknesses and flaws, some that your husband tried to give you a clue about, but YOU JUST COULD NOT SEE IT. Maybe try listening a little more, praying more, and being quiet more with him. 

You and he are different individuals, so it is natural that you have different perspectives and ideas… but be careful… I’m telling you now, that in the future you will see that HE WAS RIGHT on a few things!! 

So just live humbly. Honor your husband. 

That little boy that you birthed, whom you adore...you know… the one that you love more than anything in this world… He grows up. He makes you proud. He finds a wife. His wife becomes his world. His wife and his children…You...are...a…GRANNIE!!! 

You LOVE being a Grannie, but guess what? There is an empty place left in your heart, since your son left your home. You don’t live with him everyday. Your minutes with him are few, but almost unfathomably, you love him no less than when he was an infant, a toddler, a tween, a teen…. But he is, yes, a grown man and he lives away from you as is fitting, and makes you proud. 

Guess who is still in your home, loving you as always? The same one who you kinda gave left-over time crumbs to when you were raising those kids. Yep, your husband! 

Go give him a big hug and a kiss. Tell him you love him, appreciate him, and that you want to be a good wife. Ask him what three wishes he would ask of his wife. Try to oblige. 

God. 

Husband.

Children.

Really is a good order of priorities. 

I know it is tough. 

While you are in the trenches, doing your best, trying to serve, God, your husband, the kids, sometimes church and others…. Do remember a few things: 

1) Perfection is God and Jesus’s job, not yours. Give yourself and others some grace, like God and Jesus give to you! 

2) Do take care of yourself. Practice boundaries, and learn to say NO. 

3) Keep eternal perspective. What will matter in the long run? What matters to God? Will this matter a year from now? 10 years from now? This perspective can help you make decisions, plan, and set priorities for time management… 

4) Again, love that husband. When the kids are gone, it’s only going to be YOU and HIM. 

Lastly, I want to encourage you. Do not lose heart. Yes it is tough raising the kids. It is tough letting go of the kids. Sometimes it is boring, just you and your husband, but being a GRANNIE is totally AWESOME. You for sure will find, that when you travel with God, Bible lighting your path, there are sweet pauses and breathtaking surprises in every stage of life and for Christians, “The best is yet to come,” always.

You can read more wisdom from Tammy on her blog "Grandma Mary Martha."

This week I took a trip down memory lane with old photos of our growing family. Can I just say, I miss the days of little pudgy fingers, chubby cheekies, and gooey chins?! *sigh* But I digress...

What transpired from my little reflective trip was remembering all the efforts it takes to create a healthy space for babies. With our last child, I finally got brave enough to use cloth diapers (read: I finally didn't feel like I was drowning in the newness of motherhood enough to handle another new thing in my world). Since cloth diapers work a little differently than the gel packed store-bought diapers, "bottom dampness" was a real battlefield. 

Thankfully, I have well-seasoned, earth mama friends who tipped me off on a secret I am about to share with you. Ready for it?

Browned flour.

Pretty exciting, hey?! We used every cream on the market (including a few prescriptions once or twice), but at the end of the day, it was browned flour that finally helped us win at the game of diaper rashes. Not only did it work, but it's cheap too! (Remember, I'm a pinching tight wad, see former post for a refresher on that.).

But Sarah, what is browned flour?

No, sweet friend, you are not failing, you are learning.

You thought all the teaching would be for your children, but here you are, in a place of confusion and frustration, wondering how to proceed. Like your child, with pencil in hand, frustrated by the curve of the “S”, you have furrowed your brow and longed to abandoned the lesson.

“Just calm down,” “Try to focus,” “Don’t get upset.” The words roll off your tongue as your child grows all the more agitated by the unfolding of the events.

But these words...

They don’t acknowledge the challenges of learning, not for them, not for you.

Learning is hard work, and, like the growth of elongating bones and muscles, often brings about pain as we are reshaped. They are the growing pains needed to mature our bodies, our minds, our spirits. Pains long since forgotten as our growth into adulthood slows.

And yet, here you are, on the common ground of unfamiliarity with your child, seeing life anew in your current circumstance.

It’s ok to not know what to do next. It’s ok that it isn’t working today, or tomorrow. It’s ok to walk away and breath awhile. It’s ok to feel what you feel, but don’t linger in the discouragement.

You too are learning. You are learning how to speak in a way that make sense to younger, inexperienced ears. You are learning to find rhythm and routine. You are learning a balancing act between pushing boundaries to grow, and keeping the peace inside your precious relationships.

Your journey will be different than others, as it should be. Those growing pains remind us that we are being shaped into the unique character God desires not just for our children, but for ourselves. These stumbling blocks and days of frustration are simply the pangs of moving from what you used to know and be, to where God needs you to grow in character.

Treasure your relationships above algebra. Stay teachable. And above all, rest in the process, seek His will and wisdom. He will answer.

Give instruction to a wise person and he will become still wiser; Teach a righteous person and he will increase his insight. (Prov. 9:9)

All my love,